I love your project idea! Maybe because I've done some extra reading on Hanuman and I think he's pretty cool! I love the picture you picked out for Hanuman. I think you should add a little bit more about what the Chiranjivi are. That might come as you continue working on your project, I feel like it will. It was very helpful that you put 'immortals' in parenthesis. Otherwise, I would have been so lost on what that was supposed to mean. So there's seven characters under the Chiranjivi name? I think I should restate what I said, I think the project will need more detail on the characters you don't write about in story as much as the others. Even just going off of the one story, I already love your project! I also really like the color choices.
Hello~ I really liked your story! Hanuman shows up in my storybook so it's always nice to see him around. I was wondering about an introduction though, are you supposed to have one for a project book? It was a little confusing to read the small part about the Chiranjivi and then read Hanuman's story, I didn't quite catch the connection. The actual story and the authors note made sense and cleared up some of my confusion though. Maybe as you continue adding stories the connections will be easier to make. The Chiranjivi sound very interesting, you've really peaked my interest in the topic so I'm excited to learn more about it. I like your website too! It's easy to look and read through.
Hello hello~~, I should start by saying that I love Hanuman, and everything associated with him. I also enjoyed your changes to the story, particularly how you made the threat a significant one rather than a total non-threat. It's also nice how you reworked the meaning of the original story; you clearly understand how and why the original story works and you were able to alter the story to a different one.
I would like to see Hanuman's change being more deliberate, as the effect he created seemed mostly accidental, rather than deliberate. I'm also curious as to why you left the lion in the story. In the original, he is a fearsome and stoic figure who brings order to the rabbit's riots, but in this one he is a bit superfluous. It would probably be best to eliminate him and repalce his role in this story with Hanuman.
YES HANUMAN! Definitely one of my favorite characters and objectively one of the best characters in the Ramayana (totally unbiased opinion). I like this take on the Timid Rabbit story much better. The message is much more wholesome, not to mention there's an actual danger! Your writing style is very fitting for telling these kinds of mythological stories. I feel like I could be reading an actual myth story.
I do have a few questions though. What is a Chiranviji? I see on your homepage that they are immortal beings that represent different attributes, and from the story, Hanuman becomes immortal, so I'm assuming that he's a Chiranviji now? What attribute does he represent? On the homepage it says, "As long as they live, these attributes will exist among humanity." Does that mean the attributes that they represent didn't exist before they were born? More detail about Chiranvijis would be cool to see on your website or in the Author's Note.
Hey Kevin, Hanuman is such an important character in the Indian Epics. He appeared in Ramayana and Mahabharata. I am glad you used him as your main character. I also liked the fact that you changed the purpose that anyone could change the world. I also like how you made the sense of them being able to move the world literally. Also I liked how you brought the connection between the Sun and Hanuman from other stories into this one. Also I have a question about your project. Will they all be about Chiranjivi that gain their immortality or just stories about the Chiranjivi in general? Another question I have is about how the Earth started moving by itself even after the animals stopped running. How long does this last if the animals stop running or is there something else that fuels the Earth's movement? Your classmate, Joanna
Hi Kevin! I liked how you combined Hanuman from the Ramayana with a Jataka! I enjoy reading the Jataka's because I think a lot of them are fun to read. As soon as I read that Hanuman starting running, I knew which Jataka you were referencing. I liked how the ending wasn't about shaming Hanuman for a mistake, like the lion shamed the rabbit.
In your intro I think you should add more information about the Chiranjivi. Maybe tell us who the seven main Chiranjivi are and a small description of each one and then link their stories. So you can have a small description of Hamunan and then link it to your first story.
Hi Kevin I enjoyed reading your story, Manu. This story about the fish and the boy is delicate and gentle. The wow moment of your story for me was simply the way you presented it. A lot happened in the story and I appreciate how you were able to be concise and short with the story but also kept it detailed and interesting to read, all while not losing your reader. I wonder if the fish continued to grow while he was in the sea. After all he came from tiny fish in a tiny pond. He must have been a very special fish to continue to grow the way he did. Outgrowing a bathtub is pretty freaking big. What if instead of a flood, there could have been a different plot with the boys family. I thought it was a little strange that a fish was going to keep this family safe during a flood just because a fish does live in the water and humans live on land. Still, I thought the way you wrote and explained your story was interesting and a great story overall. I look forward to reading more stories from you in the coming weeks!
Hi Kevin! I read your Hanuman story and wow! I read another retelling of the same story this is based off last week and it is crazy to see how different in concept and execution each are. This has one of the best content I've read this far. You adapted the story while still keeping it relevant to the course- Hanuman is such an important character in both the Ramayana and Mahabharata. Yet, you still kept the essence of the jakarta (I believe this is where the story was located) with a simple, yet meaningful end (in this case, the earth turning). There are only two things I'm kind of curious about. 1. Is there a particular reason the animals names are capitalized? From what I understand, it only needs to be capitalized if it is there name i.e. we talked to Deer. If you are just referring to the animal, even a single, certain animal, it doesn't need to be i.e. we saw a deer, the deer talked to us, etc. I noticed you capitalized other animals too, so I wasn't sure if this was a case of not being sure about grammar or intentional. If it is intentional, I think adding the reasoning in the author's note would be helpful! Just so the reader has some explanation. 2. I think your layout is great- the only suggestion I have is to edit the text on your "home" tab (the first thing visible when opening your page). Maybe having it centered, in larger font, etc. might help. It just seems a bit too simple, but then again, if that is the aesthetic you are going for then it is fine! Just a suggestion.
Hey Kevin, great story. I think you do a great job making a very creative story. One of the main things I like to see the most is people changing almost the whole story. One thing that is key about the very basic ideas of myths is the origin story. Myths say how things came to be. Your story turns into a myth by giving us an origin story for how the earth moved around the sun. This is some high level writing that is very nice. Your story was one of the best stories I have read all semester. I like how you have very distinct paragraphs for each scene or dialog piece. This really helps the readability of the story. Also your grammar is good as well as the style of writing you have. It is a creative style that is very fun to read and has nice twists. Can't wait to read more!!
Hi Kevin! I really enjoyed your take on the story. It was a really fun read and I liked how creative you were with it. I really enjoyed reading your story and how you changed the ending and the "lesson" or moral of the story. I like when people really change up stories and add their own spin to it because I'm not creative and would never think to do it, so whenever I read other people's, I'm like "omg wow" I really look forward to reading more of your stories! Keep up the good work!
Hi Kevin, I enjoyed reading your story, Hanuman. I especially enjoyed your story as a whole. The entire story was easy to read and flowed nicely. Nothing was too complicated to understand nor was it to lengthy. Your story told a story in a simple way and I enjoyed again. Once I finished reading your story I realized that if the animals were spinning the earth that means the earth began revolving around the sun, which is what the earth does today, obviously. I say this because if the animals had made the earth revolve around the sun, the sun must have been revolving around the earth before. I thought this was interesting wether you made this intentional or not in your story because at one point in history people believed the sun revolved around earth. This would be a perfect explanation why that sun stopped revolving around the earth. The sun was simply too tired to revolve anymore so the animals decided to make the earth revolve around the sun. Again I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to reading more!
Hello Kevin! I just got done looking at your introduction. I will start off by covering the general layout of the site. I love the break up of the images and how you keep the background dark (as you do on this page) because at least for me it makes it easier to read. Your usage of images was captivating and helped bring context to the biographies. I just realized we actually use the same website format so that's probably why I love it so much. On the topic of your actual text, it was overall boring for me. I mean I understand you are just explaining who these people are, but literally all of it is copy and pasted from Wikipedia with minor changes. I hear none of your perspective or anything real or interesting. I would add some flare even if you have to make stuff up. But I would also fix the massive swath of plagiarizing going on here.
WWW Comment: Hi Kevin, I really liked your story about Hanuman. In the Ramayana, we don’t get to have much backstory about Hanuman other than the fact as he was a loyal friend and sidekick to Rama. I liked how you incorporated the original story of how Hanuman was enamored with the sun and added the story about the foolish rabbit that caused massive panic. Also, I really liked how you made Hanuman the savior of the story as it translates back to his role in the Ramayana and how he was an important character. If I had to critique the story, I would say to maybe add some more dialogue between your characters as it could make your story even more engaging. I like how you ended your story by reiterating Hanuman’s qualities and how he had become an immortal being. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and can’t wait to read more of your work.
Hey Kevin! As someone with only a cursory understanding of Hindu mythology, your introduction to the idea of these immortals, the Chiranjivi, was an excellent explanation of what seems to be an important part of the mythos. Your story of Hanuman rose from an interesting possibility - that of the sun stopping. The way Hanuman begins to run and bring other living creatures with him was simultaneously humorous and captivating, bringing me further into the story just to see what would happen. Once they began to run over the whole of the earth several times, the conclusion of the story became apparent in a non-obvious way. Such a blending of stories as this makes for a fantastic way to see multiple motifs of a mythos in full form, and develops one important moral into another, without dropping many of the related cultural considerations. I can't wait to see the rest of what you create!
I really enjoyed reading your story titled "Vyasa's Secret to immortality." I love how Vyasa was able to defeat Baka even though Baka was aware that he might be getting tricked. Vyasa's wisdom made him unstoppable. I also appreciate the lesson you taught with this story. We have the ability live on after we are dead through the memories of those who were close to us. The decisions we make now affect what happens in the future.
I have no critiques of your plot, but I did notice some grammar errors. In the second sentence of your first paragraph, there needs to be a comma after the word "brahmin." In the second sentence of your author's note, the word "go" should be changed to "goes" and the word "stay" should be changed to "stay." Here is a link to the reasoning behind these changes. https://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/subjectVerbAgree.asp
I really enjoyed the overall layout of your website and the images you used! I also loved how your introduction was set up and how each immortal being from the Chiranjivi has their own little backstory and link attached to their story. I thought that was super creative and makes it easier to navigate through stories. Additionally, I think you did a wonderful job at depicting each character and representing roles by the way you spaced out your sentences. It also made it easier to follow along with your stories. I like how you made your own story based off the Foolish Timid Rabbit. I could what story yours originated from by the sequential events that took place in your story. It was fun to read how you were able to really bring Hanuman's character to life and to see how you changed the meaning/importance of your story's lesson. One suggestion I might add is to be descriptive in the sense of adding some features of a character so your readers can paint a better picture of the person in their head. I would also like to suggest rereading your stories as I have found that super beneficial in catching an errors I may make. Great Job!
Hey Kevin, I really like the overall design of your website. The pictures are large and fit each story well. I like how you made the background a dark-grey while the font is white. The contrast allows me to read your story without trying to figure out some words. Now, onto your actual story I read Vyasa's Secret to Immortality. I liked the play on words that Vyasa did on Baka. He told him he would let him be immortal, but he meant that his name would live on forever. That was a good twist to the story! I thought it was interesting that you brought in Vyasa in a story that was about Bhima and Bakasura. I guess my immortality project is that people will remember me as doing something good to help the people. I would like to become "immortal". However, I do not want to be like Baka who was remembered for wreaking havoc in town. Your classmate, Joanna
First of all, I wanted to say that I think it's very cool the way you've taken the original stories and either meshed them together or retold them with different characters to demonstrate the qualities of the Chiranjivi! I like the layout of your Introduction best, with the way you've split it so that each paragraph is like a separate box for every character you're going to explore. I think including a link to each story under them is a nice touch as well. For your stories, I do find it flows a little less because of how you've split up the paragraphs. However, that's just my preference and I can see what you're going for, as I also like that you've split the dialogue apart from the rest of the story. I think you've especially avoided making your stories daunting on a whole with big paragraphs inside. I enjoyed Vyasa's twist on immortality in the second story as well, and it begs an interesting point: Are we immortal by living forever physically or in people's memory? What's more important? I thought it was really thought provoking. Glad I got to read your Storybook as it is so far!
I absolutely love the layout of your website. You made it so interactive in the introduction, and your author's notes also engage readers. It is so cool that you talked about the seven immortals. I also mentioned two in my storybook! They are so cool to read about. There are also so many conspiracy theories, like for Big Foot, where they are all out there somewhere still roaming the Earth. I especially love how you took great information on Hanuman and merged it with a Jataka story. You formed a powerful message, while also giving new information about Hanuman. I think the only thing I have to say besides praise for how great this is is that I expected each story to be about the immortality of whoever it was on. But I still like how you just introduce things about them in new ways. It is way more fun than just making a research page about them. I really love the layout of your page, I cannot emphasize it enough! It makes me want to go in and add more details to my own. Great job!
Hi Kevin! I wold like to begin by saying that I enjoyed reading your stories. I thought it was creative on how you chose to focus your writing on the Chiranjivi. Additionally I also liked how integrated the readings from other stories with your topic. I thought it was cool to read, and quite refreshing to see different types of writing styles. I think you’re a great writer and I can’t wait to read more of your stuff! Furthermore, I thought you did a great job at writing your stories. I thought you used paragraphs effectively to help readers navigate through your project. With that being said, it was easy for me to follow along to your story. Each paragraph was written in complete thoughts. Also, I liked how you chose to single out certain sentences to emphasize the importance of it in the story. For example, in the introduction, you used it really well when you re introducing what the Chiranjivi is.
Hey Kevin! I really like your concept! I never quite understood the Chiranjivi, but I only ever read a Wikipedia article and feel other snippets of information. I have had much less exposure. What lead you to choosing this topic? That would be such a interesting and compelling section to add in your author's notes. You integrate it so well in the other stories too! It shows how great of a writer you are! Nice job! It was overall very interactive so even my really short attention span was held!
I love your project idea! Maybe because I've done some extra reading on Hanuman and I think he's pretty cool! I love the picture you picked out for Hanuman. I think you should add a little bit more about what the Chiranjivi are. That might come as you continue working on your project, I feel like it will. It was very helpful that you put 'immortals' in parenthesis. Otherwise, I would have been so lost on what that was supposed to mean. So there's seven characters under the Chiranjivi name? I think I should restate what I said, I think the project will need more detail on the characters you don't write about in story as much as the others. Even just going off of the one story, I already love your project! I also really like the color choices.
ReplyDeleteHello~
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! Hanuman shows up in my storybook so it's always nice to see him around. I was wondering about an introduction though, are you supposed to have one for a project book? It was a little confusing to read the small part about the Chiranjivi and then read Hanuman's story, I didn't quite catch the connection. The actual story and the authors note made sense and cleared up some of my confusion though. Maybe as you continue adding stories the connections will be easier to make. The Chiranjivi sound very interesting, you've really peaked my interest in the topic so I'm excited to learn more about it. I like your website too! It's easy to look and read through.
Hello hello~~, I should start by saying that I love Hanuman, and everything associated with him. I also enjoyed your changes to the story, particularly how you made the threat a significant one rather than a total non-threat. It's also nice how you reworked the meaning of the original story; you clearly understand how and why the original story works and you were able to alter the story to a different one.
ReplyDeleteI would like to see Hanuman's change being more deliberate, as the effect he created seemed mostly accidental, rather than deliberate. I'm also curious as to why you left the lion in the story. In the original, he is a fearsome and stoic figure who brings order to the rabbit's riots, but in this one he is a bit superfluous. It would probably be best to eliminate him and repalce his role in this story with Hanuman.
Overall, good job.
YES HANUMAN! Definitely one of my favorite characters and objectively one of the best characters in the Ramayana (totally unbiased opinion). I like this take on the Timid Rabbit story much better. The message is much more wholesome, not to mention there's an actual danger! Your writing style is very fitting for telling these kinds of mythological stories. I feel like I could be reading an actual myth story.
ReplyDeleteI do have a few questions though. What is a Chiranviji? I see on your homepage that they are immortal beings that represent different attributes, and from the story, Hanuman becomes immortal, so I'm assuming that he's a Chiranviji now? What attribute does he represent? On the homepage it says, "As long as they live, these attributes will exist among humanity." Does that mean the attributes that they represent didn't exist before they were born? More detail about Chiranvijis would be cool to see on your website or in the Author's Note.
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteHanuman is such an important character in the Indian Epics. He appeared in Ramayana and Mahabharata. I am glad you used him as your main character. I also liked the fact that you changed the purpose that anyone could change the world. I also like how you made the sense of them being able to move the world literally. Also I liked how you brought the connection between the Sun and Hanuman from other stories into this one. Also I have a question about your project. Will they all be about Chiranjivi that gain their immortality or just stories about the Chiranjivi in general? Another question I have is about how the Earth started moving by itself even after the animals stopped running. How long does this last if the animals stop running or is there something else that fuels the Earth's movement?
Your classmate,
Joanna
Hi Kevin! I liked how you combined Hanuman from the Ramayana with a Jataka! I enjoy reading the Jataka's because I think a lot of them are fun to read. As soon as I read that Hanuman starting running, I knew which Jataka you were referencing. I liked how the ending wasn't about shaming Hanuman for a mistake, like the lion shamed the rabbit.
ReplyDeleteIn your intro I think you should add more information about the Chiranjivi. Maybe tell us who the seven main Chiranjivi are and a small description of each one and then link their stories. So you can have a small description of Hamunan and then link it to your first story.
Hi Kevin I enjoyed reading your story, Manu. This story about the fish and the boy is delicate and gentle. The wow moment of your story for me was simply the way you presented it. A lot happened in the story and I appreciate how you were able to be concise and short with the story but also kept it detailed and interesting to read, all while not losing your reader. I wonder if the fish continued to grow while he was in the sea. After all he came from tiny fish in a tiny pond. He must have been a very special fish to continue to grow the way he did. Outgrowing a bathtub is pretty freaking big. What if instead of a flood, there could have been a different plot with the boys family. I thought it was a little strange that a fish was going to keep this family safe during a flood just because a fish does live in the water and humans live on land. Still, I thought the way you wrote and explained your story was interesting and a great story overall. I look forward to reading more stories from you in the coming weeks!
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin! I read your Hanuman story and wow! I read another retelling of the same story this is based off last week and it is crazy to see how different in concept and execution each are. This has one of the best content I've read this far. You adapted the story while still keeping it relevant to the course- Hanuman is such an important character in both the Ramayana and Mahabharata. Yet, you still kept the essence of the jakarta (I believe this is where the story was located) with a simple, yet meaningful end (in this case, the earth turning). There are only two things I'm kind of curious about. 1. Is there a particular reason the animals names are capitalized? From what I understand, it only needs to be capitalized if it is there name i.e. we talked to Deer. If you are just referring to the animal, even a single, certain animal, it doesn't need to be i.e. we saw a deer, the deer talked to us, etc. I noticed you capitalized other animals too, so I wasn't sure if this was a case of not being sure about grammar or intentional. If it is intentional, I think adding the reasoning in the author's note would be helpful! Just so the reader has some explanation. 2. I think your layout is great- the only suggestion I have is to edit the text on your "home" tab (the first thing visible when opening your page). Maybe having it centered, in larger font, etc. might help. It just seems a bit too simple, but then again, if that is the aesthetic you are going for then it is fine! Just a suggestion.
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin, great story. I think you do a great job making a very creative story. One of the main things I like to see the most is people changing almost the whole story. One thing that is key about the very basic ideas of myths is the origin story. Myths say how things came to be. Your story turns into a myth by giving us an origin story for how the earth moved around the sun. This is some high level writing that is very nice. Your story was one of the best stories I have read all semester. I like how you have very distinct paragraphs for each scene or dialog piece. This really helps the readability of the story. Also your grammar is good as well as the style of writing you have. It is a creative style that is very fun to read and has nice twists. Can't wait to read more!!
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin! I really enjoyed your take on the story. It was a really fun read and I liked how creative you were with it. I really enjoyed reading your story and how you changed the ending and the "lesson" or moral of the story. I like when people really change up stories and add their own spin to it because I'm not creative and would never think to do it, so whenever I read other people's, I'm like "omg wow" I really look forward to reading more of your stories! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin, I enjoyed reading your story, Hanuman. I especially enjoyed your story as a whole. The entire story was easy to read and flowed nicely. Nothing was too complicated to understand nor was it to lengthy. Your story told a story in a simple way and I enjoyed again. Once I finished reading your story I realized that if the animals were spinning the earth that means the earth began revolving around the sun, which is what the earth does today, obviously. I say this because if the animals had made the earth revolve around the sun, the sun must have been revolving around the earth before. I thought this was interesting wether you made this intentional or not in your story because at one point in history people believed the sun revolved around earth. This would be a perfect explanation why that sun stopped revolving around the earth. The sun was simply too tired to revolve anymore so the animals decided to make the earth revolve around the sun. Again I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHello Kevin! I just got done looking at your introduction. I will start off by covering the general layout of the site. I love the break up of the images and how you keep the background dark (as you do on this page) because at least for me it makes it easier to read. Your usage of images was captivating and helped bring context to the biographies. I just realized we actually use the same website format so that's probably why I love it so much. On the topic of your actual text, it was overall boring for me. I mean I understand you are just explaining who these people are, but literally all of it is copy and pasted from Wikipedia with minor changes. I hear none of your perspective or anything real or interesting. I would add some flare even if you have to make stuff up. But I would also fix the massive swath of plagiarizing going on here.
ReplyDeleteWWW Comment:
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin,
I really liked your story about Hanuman. In the Ramayana, we don’t get to have much backstory about Hanuman other than the fact as he was a loyal friend and sidekick to Rama. I liked how you incorporated the original story of how Hanuman was enamored with the sun and added the story about the foolish rabbit that caused massive panic. Also, I really liked how you made Hanuman the savior of the story as it translates back to his role in the Ramayana and how he was an important character. If I had to critique the story, I would say to maybe add some more dialogue between your characters as it could make your story even more engaging. I like how you ended your story by reiterating Hanuman’s qualities and how he had become an immortal being. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and can’t wait to read more of your work.
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteAs someone with only a cursory understanding of Hindu mythology, your introduction to the idea of these immortals, the Chiranjivi, was an excellent explanation of what seems to be an important part of the mythos. Your story of Hanuman rose from an interesting possibility - that of the sun stopping. The way Hanuman begins to run and bring other living creatures with him was simultaneously humorous and captivating, bringing me further into the story just to see what would happen. Once they began to run over the whole of the earth several times, the conclusion of the story became apparent in a non-obvious way. Such a blending of stories as this makes for a fantastic way to see multiple motifs of a mythos in full form, and develops one important moral into another, without dropping many of the related cultural considerations. I can't wait to see the rest of what you create!
Hi Kevin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story titled "Vyasa's Secret to immortality." I love how Vyasa was able to defeat Baka even though Baka was aware that he might be getting tricked. Vyasa's wisdom made him unstoppable. I also appreciate the lesson you taught with this story. We have the ability live on after we are dead through the memories of those who were close to us. The decisions we make now affect what happens in the future.
I have no critiques of your plot, but I did notice some grammar errors. In the second sentence of your first paragraph, there needs to be a comma after the word "brahmin." In the second sentence of your author's note, the word "go" should be changed to "goes" and the word "stay" should be changed to "stay." Here is a link to the reasoning behind these changes. https://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/subjectVerbAgree.asp
Overall, great job! I loved this story!
Hi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the overall layout of your website and the images you used! I also loved how your introduction was set up and how each immortal being from the Chiranjivi has their own little backstory and link attached to their story. I thought that was super creative and makes it easier to navigate through stories. Additionally, I think you did a wonderful job at depicting each character and representing roles by the way you spaced out your sentences. It also made it easier to follow along with your stories. I like how you made your own story based off the Foolish Timid Rabbit. I could what story yours originated from by the sequential events that took place in your story. It was fun to read how you were able to really bring Hanuman's character to life and to see how you changed the meaning/importance of your story's lesson.
One suggestion I might add is to be descriptive in the sense of adding some features of a character so your readers can paint a better picture of the person in their head. I would also like to suggest rereading your stories as I have found that super beneficial in catching an errors I may make. Great Job!
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI really like the overall design of your website. The pictures are large and fit each story well. I like how you made the background a dark-grey while the font is white. The contrast allows me to read your story without trying to figure out some words. Now, onto your actual story I read Vyasa's Secret to Immortality. I liked the play on words that Vyasa did on Baka. He told him he would let him be immortal, but he meant that his name would live on forever. That was a good twist to the story! I thought it was interesting that you brought in Vyasa in a story that was about Bhima and Bakasura. I guess my immortality project is that people will remember me as doing something good to help the people. I would like to become "immortal". However, I do not want to be like Baka who was remembered for wreaking havoc in town.
Your classmate,
Joanna
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I wanted to say that I think it's very cool the way you've taken the original stories and either meshed them together or retold them with different characters to demonstrate the qualities of the Chiranjivi! I like the layout of your Introduction best, with the way you've split it so that each paragraph is like a separate box for every character you're going to explore. I think including a link to each story under them is a nice touch as well. For your stories, I do find it flows a little less because of how you've split up the paragraphs. However, that's just my preference and I can see what you're going for, as I also like that you've split the dialogue apart from the rest of the story. I think you've especially avoided making your stories daunting on a whole with big paragraphs inside. I enjoyed Vyasa's twist on immortality in the second story as well, and it begs an interesting point: Are we immortal by living forever physically or in people's memory? What's more important? I thought it was really thought provoking. Glad I got to read your Storybook as it is so far!
Hi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the layout of your website. You made it so interactive in the introduction, and your author's notes also engage readers. It is so cool that you talked about the seven immortals. I also mentioned two in my storybook! They are so cool to read about. There are also so many conspiracy theories, like for Big Foot, where they are all out there somewhere still roaming the Earth. I especially love how you took great information on Hanuman and merged it with a Jataka story. You formed a powerful message, while also giving new information about Hanuman. I think the only thing I have to say besides praise for how great this is is that I expected each story to be about the immortality of whoever it was on. But I still like how you just introduce things about them in new ways. It is way more fun than just making a research page about them. I really love the layout of your page, I cannot emphasize it enough! It makes me want to go in and add more details to my own. Great job!
Hi Kevin! I wold like to begin by saying that I enjoyed reading your stories. I thought it was creative on how you chose to focus your writing on the Chiranjivi. Additionally I also liked how integrated the readings from other stories with your topic. I thought it was cool to read, and quite refreshing to see different types of writing styles. I think you’re a great writer and I can’t wait to read more of your stuff!
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, I thought you did a great job at writing your stories. I thought you used paragraphs effectively to help readers navigate through your project. With that being said, it was easy for me to follow along to your story. Each paragraph was written in complete thoughts. Also, I liked how you chose to single out certain sentences to emphasize the importance of it in the story. For example, in the introduction, you used it really well when you re introducing what the Chiranjivi is.
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteI really like your concept! I never quite understood the Chiranjivi, but I only ever read a Wikipedia article and feel other snippets of information. I have had much less exposure. What lead you to choosing this topic? That would be such a interesting and compelling section to add in your author's notes. You integrate it so well in the other stories too! It shows how great of a writer you are! Nice job! It was overall very interactive so even my really short attention span was held!
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